Installing Linux on a Dead Badger (and other Oddities) by Lucy A. Snyder & DE Christman & Malcolm McClinton

Author:Lucy A. Snyder & DE Christman & Malcolm McClinton
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw
Publisher: Creative Guy Publishing
Published: 2009-06-01T05:00:00+00:00

Trolls Gone Wild

San Jose, CA – Programmer-turned-entrepreneur Frank Joseph has become one of the hottest Internet moguls with his unorthodox new video download service.

"Im in ur base billing ur doodz," jokes the 28-year-old Joseph. "Seriously, the cash is sick. Last month, I made more than what they were paying me for a whole year at Monkeybrain Computing."

Joseph says the first video was an accident. "My girlfriend had gotten me a new video camera for Valentine's Day, and I was just wandering around the company building on my lunch break trying it out. But then Amanda O'Brien called me over to help because she'd found a troll stuck in one of the network closets."

According to Joseph, the trapped troll appeared to be having a seizure of some kind.

"The thing was just flailing everywhere, wailing, gnashing its teeth. The network was messing with its head real bad, I guess. But it was so freaky, I totally had to videotape it for a little bit before I helped Amanda get it out of there."

Joseph uploaded the two-minute Quicktime clip to his personal website so he could show it to a few friends. "But suddenly the clip was getting hit five, ten, thirty, then a hundred times an hour! I totally blew through my entire month's bandwidth limit overnight. And I'm like, 'Whoa, WTF!' you know?"

Joseph enlisted his coworker to help him solve the mystery of the clip's popularity.

"I traced the IP addresses in his server logs," says O'Brien. "We pretty quickly realized almost all the hits were coming from swamplands, caves, and urban wireless hotspots under bridges. Trolls."

Troll sociologist Brenda Moon speculates that the troll may have been in the throes of an orgasm. Or possibly it was railing against a proposed local gasoline tax increase.

"We're sure it's one or the other," says Moon. "I was able to translate words for 'fuel', 'Fascist', 'Ayn Rand' and 'masturbate'. It actually said 'masturbate' several times, so I'm leaning towards it having had a spontaneous orgasm due to Aetherweb emissions.

"Trolls find Ayn Rand very exciting," she adds.

Other experts disagree with her analysis. "Moon has clearly mistaken the troll for a member of Truzlana urbanis, but the purple spotting on its face marks it as a member of Truzlana persisticus," says cryptozoologist Jorge Billings. "The two species have different dialects with many homophones that do not share meanings in common. In the clip, the troll is saying 'What will the producers of Star Trek: Voyager do now that Tupac is dead?'

"Clearly, this is a very old troll," Billings adds.

Unconcerned with the meaning behind the troll's shrieks, grunts, and groans, Joseph transferred the video to a secure server and started charging $5 per download.

"Some people told me I was wasting my time, but the trolls totally paid for it. So I set up a small, unshielded Aetherweb server in a self-storage place near my apartment to attract more trolls, started taking more videos, and it just kept going," he says. "I don't care what they're saying as long as the other trolls keep buying it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.